Everything in the level kills you, there’s platforms that move at the speed of light, and you gotta make sure to get enough hostages and Nuke, or else you have to repeat it! On level 8, you fight Cain, and he looks just like the movie! Wearin’ a top hat and shootin’ electric eels out a bazooka! After enough shots, you get to punch him to death. But make sure not to get hit! Your health drains here automatically, so if you’re already damaged, you’ll die. After you finally beat Cain, it’s more platforming. I swear, every level’s nothing but trial and error! Every time you make it an inch farther, something kills you! In this level, a weird rocket hits you, drags you through the entire level, and you die! Why not just kill me?!
You have to make me fly through the whole level too?! GOD DAMN! This game just fuckin’ hates me! Somehow, after hours of misery, I make it to the final boss: RoboCop 2. You’re always facing forward, and you just have to shoot the shit out of ‘im. But guess what? You gotta kill ‘im three times! Three fucking times!! The first time, you just have to shoot ‘im. He has a set pattern though, once you learn it, it’s lights out. He topples over and crashes through the floor below, and RoboCop follows it down. Oh yeah, I definitely preferred to READ that, instead of SEE it! So here we go, Round 2! This time you can only shoot him in the legs. If you accidentally shoot his body, your bullets bounce back and hurt you. Again, learn the pattern and give ‘im what’s what. Okay, here we go, final round, this is it! Ugh… come on… ugh! I’m gonna fuck you, RoboCop 2! Uurgh!! C’mon! C’mon! Aaah, yeah! Look at that beautiful end screen! Ah, I gotta say, it feels good to be done with this one. Well, that’s RoboCop 2. Kinda follows the movie, but that’s it for me, I’m done playing these games, I– [crackling] Eueugh! Uuh.. I– I’m done– [crackling] No! No more! [crackling] Aagh! Eugaaah! 3. The worst movie of the bunch, and probably the worst game of the bunch too! [energetic chiptune techno music]
Well actually, this music is pretty awesome! [energetic chiptune techno music] [energetic chiptune techno music] Yeah! Listen to that! [energetic chiptune techno music] [energetic chiptune techno music] Yeah, but the start screen is pretty goofy. [energetic chiptune techno music] When the hell did the girl have a machine gun in the movie?! I thought she just used computers! Oh, whatever, it doesn’t matter, let’s just get into it. So the game is pretty much the same as the others: Walk through streets, shoot punks and fight bosses. Visually RoboCop 3 looks better than any of the others, but the gameplay… not too exciting. RoboCop moves as slow as shit comin’ out of a goose’s asshole, and his bullets move even slower! Oh, and don’t you love how the enemy bullets fly across the screen, while RoboCop’s just crawl? In between levels, you have to repair damage to RoboCop. [funky chiptune music] Yeah, just listen to that music! [funky chiptune music] [mechanical whirring] [funky chiptune music] This game has some pretty rockin’ tunes!