Walking Through RoboCop Game

When you finally reach him, he just runs away and sends a bunch of enemies to kill you, which are way smaller than everything else in the game! Now on to the OCP building. Besides the usual suicidal henchmen, you find red spider robots, ceiling lasers, giant farting gas guns and good ol’ ED-209. And it’s, like… the size of a T. Rex! It’s huge! The junkyard level is a cluster of bad guys, there’s dudes everywhere trying to you up! At the end is the final showdown with Clarence. This is so far the most annoying boss in the game. You have to play casino games in Canada and dodge steel beams and Clarence’s Cobra gun. But once you beat him, you arrest him? I thought RoboCop stabbed him in the throat!

I guess they couldn’t put that in an NES game meant for kids. Finally, on to level 6. You’re back at OCP, which has a giant conveyor belt from the Jetsons in the beginning. You gotta punch your way through barrels and watch out for the flying machine guys, all while the ground moves you backwards! Oh, and you gotta hurry, because there’s no power-ups in this level. You gotta rush through the beginning, fight a bunch of robots, fight another giant fart gun, and get to ED-209 as quickly as you can, or you’ll run out of time. This part is a frustrating mess, but once it’s over, Dick Jones gets fired and you shoot the out of ‘im. The credits music is just weird, it sounds like carnival music. Is RoboCop gonna celebrate at the carnival tonight? Well, anyway, the game sucks and I have to do my duty, to protect the innocent from shitty games! [gunfire] Okay, RoboCop 2… wait a minute, what’s RoboCop so mad about? Oh my gosh, he’s shootin’ all over the place! How many bullets does that gun have? Man, let me tell ya, if you thought RoboCop 1 was frustrating, get ready! RoboCop 2 is an endurance test!

From the very start, you’ll be struggling against the game’s slippery controls. It’s like someone coated all of Detroit in oil. I guess they took Motor City a bit too literal. In each level, you have to arrest certain bad guys, save hostages and collect brains. On top of that, you have to destroy 60% of “The Nuke”. In the movie, Nuke is the name of an addictive drug. Nuke is so bad, it’s like shooting dart frog poison into your dick, only to have a venomous snake suck it out and then shoot it back into your eyeballs! This game barely follows the movie, it’s an acid trip! It’s a mish-mash of colors and ridiculous platform jumping. Most of the enemies and hazards kill RoboCop in only one hit! Thankfully there’s infinite continues, because otherwise you’ll never beat it. RoboCop should be blastin’ drug dealers and robot machines, slammin’ into ’em with his Black Ford Taurus! Not makin’ these delicately planned jumps, like Mario.